when Harriet met Sally

As is always the case when I'm single, I've been thinking a lot about lesbians. Actually, lesbians and their relationship/sexual/nesting/prey drives. I've found my thoughts alarmingly difficult to put into words... even harder to make sense of all the complexities of girl-girl relationships.
Lately I've been thinking about the famous exchange in When Harry Met Sally: the assertion that men and women cannot be friends without having sex. Can two gay women be friends without succumbing to their desire to couple and nest? I polled my friends, and got various answers:

Only if they've had sex already and don't want to do it again.
Depends on the level of desperation/age/degree of loneliness.
Only if they don't find each other attractive.
Only if they don't find each other attractive and meet in some sort of non-relationship-geared setting (school, work, etc.).
or Yes. They can.

I consider gay men, and the stereotypes that they face. They have a reputation for being sexually promiscuous, and having frivolous relationships based on seedy sexual impulse. Of course, all the gay men I know would acknowledge that there is a bit of truth to this... but it's certainly not the rule! I know plenty of gay men with discerning standards, and several male couples who are in long-term, loving, committed partnerships.

I definitely think it's true that homosexual men and women are thought of more in terms of their sexual proclivities than straight men and women are. I've heard many people comment that when hearing the world "homosexual," the emphasis is on the sex. The mental images are of sex. It doesn't conjure images of happy same-sex couples at home with their children. Normal, loving pairs who do all the mundane things that straight couples do- washing dishes and grocery shopping, having pizza night or bickering over the bills, or picking out a good school for the kids.
When we hear the words we don't even picture normal looking people. We picture unattractive women with crew cuts and flamboyant, annoying alcoholic men in pink shirts. Our these our images of ourselves?

You know, I'm ashamed to say that I buy into it too. When I hear the word "gay" or "lesbian" and I don't think about partnering the way I do when I hear the term "straight couple." I admit, I think about sexual interest. *Sexual* orientation... not relationship orientation.
Am I different, or do other gay people feel this too? Do we have the same gut reactions about ourselves that society does? Do we also buy into this idea that our relationships are somehow less serious? Less substantive? Sleazier? Do we also believe that our orientation isn't based on the same need for love and acceptance, companionship and devotion... but rather trite sexual trysts meant to buck the establishment and make a mockery of "proper" marriages?

No... no. Of course not. Obviously, I don't believe that any of those things are true.
I LOVE love. I believe in it with all my heart. And I believe that two women can connect in a way so unique and so profound, in a way unlike any other gender-coupling. Women are deep and sensitive- so much more emotional and driven to connect than men are. When two women connect it's a force of nature.

But I've gotten far from my point.
The point is that two women together, or two men together, function very differently than a man and a woman together. A man and a woman together can temper each other in way that two men/two women cannot. As with everything, there are pros and cons. The bottom line is, we're not the same. As badly as we want our relationships to be as "normal" as everyone else's- they may never be. We're inherently different. And that's fine!
But we haven't quite figured out what the appropriate, non-offensive, non-stereotypic images are that these differences should conjure...

Long, long ago I asked if gay women- two single, attractive gay women- can be friends without coupling. Sure we can. We can resist our drives, just like all people can. Hey, even straight men, some of the horniest creatures on the planet, can be pals without fucking each other.

But I think it's important for us to think about why our sexual activities are the first thing people consider when our orientation is mentioned. Is it because it seems so foreign and icky to "straight people?" Are we actually hyper sexual? And if so is this because the community is so small (it just SEEMS like we've slept with everyone, because we're all so incestuously entangled)? Are we more desperate for connection?

Or maybe it's just not true, and people don't have these subconscious notions... maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the weird one.
Even if it is true... I may still be the weird one.