ignorant bliss

I've spent a lot of time in the past six months talking and thinking about the expectations I have of others.
Those who know me well enough to know my fears (which I'm not sure is anyone these days, perhaps excluding my therapist), know that one of my biggest fears is having a radically inaccurate view of myself. Being deluded, being unable to be objective.
Many of us, maybe all of us, have expectations of others that we are not always able to live up to ourselves. When this happens we engage in impressive mental gymnastics, rationalizing and flat-out making excuses until our own behavior is acceptable and no longer causing us any cognitive dissonance. It works, as long as we don't think about things too hard. It makes us hypocrites.
Whenever I find myself pained by people and so very disappointed in them, I have to question my place. Who am I to judge? How can I feel disappointed in others when I am so very far from perfect?
Last week my therapist commented on something I've known for a long time.
"No matter how many times it happens, you always seem surprised when people let you down." I agreed that my ability to be both cynical and naive at the same time is... interesting.
No matter what I witness or experience, I expect the best from others. I want to believe my clients when they explain away and rationalize their despicable deeds. I want to believe that they can do better, and never hurt anyone again. I want to believe that they are good. And I do. I believe it and believe it and believe it again, no matter how many times I'm proven wrong.
I can't help but wonder if, when my optimism will run out.

I find myself devastated by people in my life when they don't live up to my expectations. Disappointed equals unreasonably devastated. I should be able to accept their shortcomings as human nature, as I am intimately familiar with my own terribly human nature. I've done things I am deeply ashamed of, things that I might not be so understanding of in others.

But there is a lot of space between cynicism and naivete.
While it would not be practical or fulfilling to always expect the worst, it's also impractical to always expect the best. It is, unfortunately, unreasonable to expect everyone to treat others with respect. To consider the feelings of people that they do not know. To hold loyalty and honesty in the highest regard. To hold emotions as most valuable and seek vulnerability and transparency. I cannot expect these sorts of things.
Can I expect them from myself? I try very hard to hold myself to these standards. Sometimes I fail. But I hope... god, I hope that more often than not I succeed. Whether it's reasonable or not, I must continue to have expectations for myself that are the highest I can imagine. It's the only way we get better.

Is having the highest expectations of others the way to have better relationships?