Dear God,

I'm sorry I haven't called or written in so long.
I would say I've been busy... but you would know that's a lie. You've seen me start this letter three times this week before running off to play Farmville or Mario Kart or call someone I didn't even want to talk to or do the dishes or just stare at the ceiling.
I wonder if you find it as hard to talk to me as I do you. I imagine you must.
I still always try to honor the promise that I made myself 11 years ago before I was baptized. Whenever I do pray, I try to say thank you more than I say please.
Thank you for allowing me to live this long, and for helping me to survive more than I ever thought I would. Thank you for giving me my intelligence and a mind that sometimes feels so much it borders on madness.
If you really are omniscient, if you're able to think the thoughts and feel the feelings of every tiny little being in the universe... I'm sorry. I can't imagine shouldering that kind of burden. Sometimes I can't bear to live within my own mind. Six billion more like me... I shudder to think.
My humblest apologies, for us.
Thank you for all the wealth you've given me, and all of us. I have a good home and food, I have clean running water and unnecessary amenities by the millions. I am very rich, and I know this... even though it's easy to forget when I get an overdraft alert or collections calls by the dozen. On the world scale of riches... these things in themselves signal luxury.
Thank you for my health. A body that always gets up out of bed, never fails me, and has yet to ever break down.
I won't talk about my wishes. The things I need help with, guidance on... you already know them. You see me sitting with these hurts weighing heavy on my heart, day in and day out. You hear my whimpers and complaints, you watch me crying and feeling sorry for myself. You see me struggle, sometimes feeling like a trout flopping about the shore. On nights like tonight, you see me sit for hours looking for the motivation to get up make myself food. Again I wonder if I frustrate you as much as I do myself. This time I'm going to venture to guess... no. You are much more patient than I am. Thankfully.
Thankfully.
I cling to the mantra hung around my neck and I pray that I do not get lost in my pain.
Sometimes I feel very lost.
Maybe we should talk about that some time....

me