I've decided to create a new blog primarily because I've fell victim to a nearly year-long writer's block. And having a good rant now and again gets the creative juices flowing.
Which sounds very dirty. And unfortunately isn't.
But speaking of rants, Tuesday's Senate election gave me ample fodder for one.
First off, it frightens me.
No, not the Republicans. Not the affront to Teddy Kennedy's memory or even appalling number of apparent red voters in this allegedly blue state... yes those things are very frightening to me. But what really frightens me is my own rage.
I remember walking around for months just seething with a sort of blind rage during the 2004 Presidential election. The issues made me so angry that I really wasn't even able to watch TV, or read about it, or educate myself at all. I wasn't well informed, because every time I heard a phrase like "weapons of mass destruction" or "don't ask don't tell" or "axis of evil" or "sanctity of marriage," I could only turn red, grind my teeth and feel my blood pressure go up. The commercials, the bumper stickers, the sight of our former president all brought out a rage in me that is almost never awakened. It was... it is... visceral. Primal. Primitive. It's my id.
In 2004 I was enraged because I was afraid. Because I was vulnerable. Because a constitutional ban on gay marriage was on the table, and I was facing the very real loss of my human and civil rights. That was terrifying. And I was furious, FURIOUS, that someone else, someone who's not even marginally affected by these issues, was going to decide the value of my life and my happiness! Someone who doesn't even know any gay people, wouldn't be affected by it at all, and doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about! Perhaps someone who's been divorced twice and cheated on his or her spouse... this person was eager to uphold the "sanctity of marriage."
Clearly, these are old but open wounds. I don't feel that gay marriage is in danger in Massachusetts- conservatives have already attempted to overturn it many times, and it's stood firm. Yes, Scott Brown is anti-gay, pro-life, and anti-health care reform... but, as President Obama said, "the voter's have spoken" right?
I'm actually more maddened by a few experiences that I am my friends have had this week. It all leads me to feel that the political climate in America will soon be too volatile to allow peaceful government function.
One of my bosses, the assistant director at my workplace, had a disturbing but quintessential experience Tuesday. Though I live in a generally very liberal state, I work in a state prison. Here, the very liberal and Democratic mental health team is surrounded by extremely conservative, Republican, gun-toting, well... redneck, correctional officers. As my boss was leaving Tuesday night, one of the officers at inner control "jokingly" said "I'm not opening the door until you promise to vote for Scott Brown."
My boss of course said, yeah right. The officer asked why and my boss stated that Brown's ideals differ with hers in three fundamental ways: "he's against gay marriage, he wants to tell me what I can and can't do with my own body, and he's against health care reform." His response?
"Well number one, you're not gay so what do you care? Two, you're married now so you should have a family, and 3, you work here, so you see the injustices of government [referring to the government paying for the medical care of inmates], so why would you want them in charge of health care?"
My bosses response? You'd better open this fucking door right now.
His thinking is exactly what drives me insane. The "it's not about me- so who cares?" approach. Don't they realize they aren't the only person on earth??
While watching a very eloquent and well-educated undergrad friend of mine debate with another far less-educated, more redneck friend of mine on Facebook of all places, I was appalled. The redneck friend's inital status post was "I agree, what occurred in Haiti is horrible. A Natural Disaster. Yet, in the United States, millions go hungry and without food daily. Why weren't these "emergency supplies" available for our own people on a day to day basis?" As my friend attempted to explain the difference between the United States and one of the poorest third-world countries (a concept that most all Americans, including myself, can never truly grasp without witnessing it first hand), and the fact that over 98% of our nonprofit resources go towards helping Americans, the redneck facebooker stated .... take a deep breath for this...
"As for Haiti, I have no problem with helping, I have a HUGE problem with the Mrs. President coming into my home, via the television, and asking me and everyone else to help Haiti. Those ads aren't free, quit wasting my money. There are hundreds of companies out there that specialize in assistance. The American Red Cross has it perfected. Let the experts do their thing. Haiti has no GNP - their total survival is based on people "giving them hand outs".
Naturally, after my amazing, well-educated and somehow still very calm friend explained that those commercials ARE soliciting aide for the Red Cross, and are actually paid for by the Ad Council (a non-profit agency), the redneck had more thoughtless non-sensical rebuttals.
I can't even re-read this without feeling a bit nauseous. Is this America? Are we now SO selfish and have our heads SO far up our own asses that during a cataclysmic disaster where potentially 200,000 - Two Hundred THOUSAND - people are left dead in the rubble... we choose this time to ask "why is no one helping us???" WHAT THE FUCK!
Help us with what?! With jobs? Oh wait we have those. With clean, potable water in excess? Ohhh yeah we have that too. With food? Shit, we throw away tons of that every day. With resources upon resources upon resources? We have that. Everywhere. Help us with what, exactly? Help us cure all the comparitively minor sins and strifes of a population that will never be made perfect, but has been pretty damn close for nearly a hundred years now?
"Quit waisting my money" on the dead and dying and starving in Haiti.
You're not in Haiti, so what the fuck do you care.
Right?
Not right. It's not right.
Do you remember what happened after 9/11? Not only did we blow up several other countries in blind retaliation (or planned retaliation, whichever you wish), multiplying our own death toll by hundreds for these other countries hoping to feel some sort of vindication... not only did we speak solely of that for not weeks but years, wailing in grief... not only did every other viable support in the world lend their assistance... but we are still able to cite it as the greatest disaster our country has ever known.
Consider Haiti for just a moment.
70,000 people have already been buried in mass, unmarked graves. If each one of those people knew just two others, that's 140,000 people who will never know what became of their friend, their mother, brother, sister, father, son, daughter... who will never see them again or even be able to appropriately grieve or bring flowers to a grave.
Outside of hospitals and in the street there are stacks of decaying bodies hundreds tall, being managed by bulldozers. Imagine it. Imagine looking out your window and watching it.
If just one small or mid-sized city in the United States gave everything they had to a country this poor... they would be okay. Just one! If they gave their money, resources, houses, businesses, hospitals, schools, land, water... the contents of one town would provide more wealth than a country like Haiti may ever have. And all of the people in that U.S. town? They would all be fine. They would get another job, buy another house. Insurance would replace everything, there would be a big fat charitable tax write-off waiting for them at the end of the year, and life would continue as planned.
If just one Wal-Mart Supercenter gave everything they had... these would be clothed and fed. People don't understand our excess. And I'm certainly no better. I'm as wasteful as any American. But the least I can do is to use my vote... and defend humanity, perhaps to no avail, to Americans as ignorant as this.
But to even do that, I'll have to learn to quell the rage that ignorance such as this provokes within me.
